Exclusive!! Swift Boat A-Hole Caught Hiding Something

Well truth seekers, the Sixth Army has uncovered an EXCLUSIVE little bit of information about the Swift Boat A-Holes For Truth leader, and shameless Bush/Cheney attack dog, John O’Neill, that is going to be quite hard to explain away even in softball interview appearances on the Fox Network. It seems Mr. O’Neill has SOMETHING to hide in his, less than honorable past.

Yesterday, through the Freedom of Information Act, the Sixth Army had obtained a copy of the resume John O’Neill presented to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s office in early 2001. George W Bush was just appointed the President of the United States by the Supreme Court so the Swift Boat jack-off thought he might be able to obtain a Clerical/Data Entry position with the new administration. Below is a copy of it. Go over it and see if you could see what’s got Washington D.C.’s social and power elite in a tizzy.

John O’Neill
P.O. Box 58
New York, NY 10001
(917) 622-3548

OBJECTIVE: To Find Work

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

• Top-notch political hack with more than 15 years experience in dirty partisan tricks.
• Hard drinking High School graduate.
• Unique combination of expertise in plausible deniability, treasonous slander, high level diplomacy and "the streets".
• Dynamic leader and team builder, consistently motivating others to sell out their own country or "fall on their sword."
• Outstanding productivity both on my knees and on all fours.
• Shot a man in Laos just to watch him die.

EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE

6/1971 – 11/1976

The President of the United States
The United States Federal Government
Washington, D.C.
Plumber

Duties included:

• Performed "black bag jobs" for senior Nixon administration officials against people who were on the President’s "enemy list" such as Paul Newman, John Lennon, Shelly Berman, Hal Linden, Daniel Ellsberg, Jonathan Winters and Rodney Allen Rippy. Such jobs included burglaries, armed robberies, tax audits, aggravated assault, electronic and video surveillance, battery, slander, extortion, blackmail, rape and arson.
• Waged a 24 hour a day, seven day a week smear campaign against decorated combat veteran and articulate intellectual John Kerry. Highlights of this action included making up all kinds of unproven outrageous lies about his Bronze Star, Silver Star and 3 Purple Heart winning military service record and planting a story in the Indianapolis Gazette that in early 1972, on a deserted stretch of Interstate, John Kerry killed a 12 year old runaway boy to achieve an erection.
• Extensive client contact.
• Helped in the three month "shredding project" for appointed President Gerald Ford that entailed destroying any "documents that are in the White House, my private office or at my country club that shows that me or Nixon had anything to do with that Kennedy thing"

2/1977 – 6/1978

The New Adonis Lounge
New York, NY
Designated Club Fuck

Duties included:

• Entertained and serviced large groups of foreign business men and assorted out of towners.
• Made sure the communal barrels of Crisco™ were replenished and full.
• Manned the "fisting harness" for one hour every night.
• Had unprotected sex with many different men on a regular basis.
• Extensive client contact.

2/1981 – 11/1992

The President of the United States
The United States Federal Government
Washington, D.C.
Mule

Duties included:

• Extensive travel between the United States and various Latin American countries, primarily Panama and Columbia, on commercial flights with small and medium sized latex bags full of pure cocaine lodged up my rectum.
• Extensive client contact.
• Assisted local Latin American government officials and death squads by supplying them with information on rival drug lords, positive IDs and pictures of any members of the local populace who were becoming too vocal about implementing true democratic reforms and road maps to the various Catholic churches and Missions along with the photographs and ages of the nuns who were housed there.
• Delivered large quantities of the most advanced armaments such as automatic and sub-automatic pistols, handguns and rifles, crates of anthrax and other chemical and biological agents, a wide variety of light, medium and heavy machine guns, uranium, aluminum tubing, fragmentation grenades, bayonettes, armor piercing bullets, heat seeking missiles, rocket launchers as well as defensive equipment such as gas masks, steel helmets and bullet proof body armor and other general equipment like canteens, ammo belts, heavy duty high quality combat boots, manuals on camouflage techniques, collapsable tents and parachute riggings to the, then, President of Iraq Saddam Hussein and his sons Uday and Qusay personally from 1988 to 1990.

6/1993 – Present

The Port Authority Bus Terminal
New York, NY
Cock Sucker

Duties included:

• Extensive client contact.
• Worked the hardened shafts of degenerates, winos, sleaze merchants, curious tourists, conventioneers, junkies, transvestites, closet queens and drunks in a filthy stall in the mens room located on the second floor of the main building for crumpled up ten and twenty dollar bills.
• Fondled the ball sacks of less enthusiastic clients.
• Manned the "glory hole" on slow nights for fivers.

References, Among Other Things, Available Upon Request

That’s right, you guessed it! The two questions that are burning up the ears of everyone in the beltway, from the Senate Chambers to the hair dressing salons are:

What exactly was this "truth champion" doing between July 1978 all the way till January of 1981 and what possibly could this "super patriot" be hiding?

That is over a two year gap in his history. Over two years of unexplained activities. This is extremely shady to say the least and the American People have the RIGHT TO KNOW what this guy was up to in 1979!!

Repeated calls from the Sixth Army to the Swift Dick-Bags for Horse shit went unreturned, but later in the day, an O’Neill spokesman Dirk Bag-o-Bastard, who happens also to be the spokesman for C.R.E.E.P. (The Committee To Re-Elect The President), from his office at the Watergate Building Complex (Which also happens to be the Bush re-election campaign’s headquarters), released an official statement. Here is that statement verbatim:

"We have no comment, at this time, about the where-about or activities of Mr. John O’Neill during the period in question, the time between 1978 when he was being anally and orally penetrated almost on an hourly basis and 1981 when he started running dope for Reagan. I spoke to John on the phone this morning and he says he was simply taking care of some "family and personal matters" and he requests that you, in the media, please respect his privacy in this matter. Quite frankly, the "timing" of this inquiry into Mr. O’Neill’s business and personal practices between the times he was known as "The Crisco™ Kid" and "El Gringo" strikes me as purely political and reeks of the kind of cheap sleazy personal attacks that these Democrats, aided by their liberal friends who run the media, have been doing to us patriots for the last 30 years. Mr. O’Neill wanted me to say on his behalf, and I quote, "For the love of God an Country, I crawled through the jungle of Nicaragua with a 70 pound payload of pure rock cocaine on my back, to be processed and then delivered to the inner-cities of the United States, so I’ll be damned if I am going to let the socialists, the traitors and the elite liberal media who run this country to assassinate my character and ruin my good name. You so called journalists and do-gooders should all be ashamed of yourselves and I am certainly not going to stand for it."

I don’t know. I still think he’s hiding something and I am not going to quit until I find out what it is.

You Can Run, John
But You Can Not Hide
Sixth Army