Straight...No Chaser

KURTZ: Are you an assassin?


WILLARD: I'm a soldier.


KURTZ: You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill.

from Apocalypse Now (1979)

7/21/06


I’ll be brief.

I just checked my balance on my Chase “ultra rewards” Master Card and found out I was $94 over my credit limit. I don’t really remember using that particular card recently so I decided to choose the “Most Recent Transactions” option on the automated touchtone menu these masters of customer service offer. Three times the inhuman computerized female voice said there was an “internal debit” of 30 some odd dollars charged to my account.

Since I really had no idea what that meant…well that is not entirely true, I figured it meant I was getting screwed…I immediately pressed the “speak to an associate” phone digit which, of course, was zero. Someone in a surprisingly clear unaccented voice came on almost immediately…again surprisingly…and identified herself as Patricia.

This is what followed:

Just what exactly are these charges called internal debits?

Those are our fees and interests.

But can you explain them…EXACTLY?

Sure. The first one...for $14.82...is the interest on your purchases. The second one for...$36.13...is the interest on your cash advances and the third one is an overlimit fee of $39 because your balance went over your credit limit.

How did I go over the limit?

The interest charges put you over the limit.

So, you are telling me that you charged me about $50 in monthly interest which put me over the limit. THEN you charged me an overlimit fee that basically doubled the amount. So Chase is hosing me. THAT is what you are telling me...right?

Yes.

Out of curiosity, what is my interest rate right now?

You are right now at a variable rate which is currently 29.2%.

No comment. No editorializing. I am too pissed.

To put it simply, if you can not see the borderline criminality in this situation then there is nothing else I can say.

Larry B