Hey Everybody!! Paula Abdul Is Human...Let's Crucify her!

5/5/2005


Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a prude. If you are familiar with some of the other postings on this blog, you know I can be as tasteless, bawdy and low brow just as the next guy. But this quote from page two of the New York Post today has somehow really offended me.

Capable of having sex?

Evidently there is a scandal brewing at the Fox Television mega-smash show “American Idol” where, it seems that a second season contestant, Corey Clark, received special coaching and had a hot and steamy love affair with one of the judges, the ex-Mrs. Emilio Estevez, Paula Abdul. This Corey Clark guy’s “bombshell interview” appeared on a special one hour ABC “PrimeTime Live - American Idol Exposed” last night. Needless to say if this were to be true it would be, at best, a conflict of interest and, at worst, out right fraud. With “American Idol” being Fox’s highest rated show and somewhat of cultural phenomenon, this has the making of a big news story.

I am, of course, in the enviable position of not really giving a flying fuck.


But here is the passage that caught my eye:

Clark says he and Abdul “began kissing passionately and feeling each other as we moved across the upstairs to the guest room.” He says he was in awe the first time he slept with the 40-year-old former pop star.

“That night, as we were having sex, I kept flashing on her videos and thinking ‘Oh, my God! I’m doing it with Paula Abdul,’ “he says. “But I kept my cool and I did my thing.”

Ugh…

1) The childish attitude of this passage, and the tone of the entire article, towards human sexuality, something everyone does at least once in their lives (Yes, even Catholic Priests), is simply appalling. Supposedly adults write and read this stuff and yet it is on the level of two pre-school children playing doctor behind the woodshed.

2) The culture of celebrity and the “I nailed someone famous” type attitude, this clown displays (At one point, in the interview, he says, “The worst part about the whole affair was I couldn’t brag about it to my friends.”) gives you a nice snapshot at where we are as a society. Our values and priorities are more than screwed up, they are completely upside down. And before you say the old stand-by cop-out, “That’s just the way it is” ask yourself this question, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

3) “But I kept my cool and did my thing.” What the hell does that mean? I have sat here for 25 minutes thinking about it and I still can’t figure that ridiculous statement out. At first, I thought possibly this guy was totally into some kind of fetish and, I must admit, I gained a little respect for this joker at the thought. Maybe “his thing” was dressing in a crotchless Little Bow Peep costume while Abdul, donning an old-school sheep-skin coat, baa's orgasmically at the moment of “being found.” As the coup de grace, the looped rhythmic hooks of “Straight Up” plays through an absurdly expensive sound system, whose rich sounds permeate the living room of Abdul’s gaudy, decadent mansion on the outskirts of Beverly Hills.

But, alas, he probably meant something much more pedestrian. He was probably suggesting something like, “I gave it to her good. I got mines. I’m a stud. I’m a real man.” I seriously suspect, if they gave this guy any more face time, he would probably tell you the size of his penis.

And there is the source of my despair. I ask myself, how are WE, as a country, as a culture, as a species, going to move forward if we view one of the basic functions of human life in such a selfish, ass-backwards way?

I know, I know…That’s just the way it is.


The score so far:

Huge, Souless Corporations: 1329
Little Guy: Nil

Sixth Army