Short Shots From The Cube Buddha

Zen and the Art of Wasting Your Life

On Parenting:


I remember when I was a kid watching a live performance of the Charlie Daniels Band on television. The show was either the Grammys or the American Music Awards, etc. I really have no idea what the venue was but, of course, the band was playing “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” When Charlie arrived at the line “I told you once you son of a bitch I’m the best there’s ever been!” he was not edited. The word BITCH came through loud and clear on network television.

Now for you post NYPD Blue young’ns out there remember this was the late 1970s and bad language of any kind had absolutely no home on free television. So this authoritative outburst from a bearded, cowboy-hat wearing, shit kicker was rather shocking to my preteen ears.

Expressing that feeling, I said out loud that I am really surprised that the singer just said what he said. Upon hearing this my father said to me, “That’s because he wrote it!”

A solid life lesson…and at the time I didn’t even know it.




On the Nature of the Beast:


Yesterday I received a financial solicitation from an organization called Farm Sanctuary. They are an advocacy group for saving abused or abandoned animals, providing them with a place to live after they’re rescued. I don’t really know much about this charity but I receive requests in the mail pretty frequently because I made a donation once a long time ago. They seem to be legitimate and their cause is most certainly noble. In this particular mailer, one bulleted passage really struck me:

“On an Iowa farm 600 pigs were released by perpetrators who cruelly intended to chase them down and run them over with cars. At least 30 pigs reportedly lost their lives that night, and many more suffered broken bones and injuries.”

I eat pork. I enjoy pork. In soup, with pasta, over rice, barbecued, in sandwiches…just about anyway the western world has come up with to prepare it.

With that being said, I ask myself, exactly what kind of sick fucking people do we have living in this country?




On Music:


From the Billy Joel song “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant”:

Well they got an apartment with deep pile carpets

And a couple of paintings from Sears

A big waterbed that they bought with the bread

They had saved for a couple of years

But they started to fight when the money got tight

And they just didn't count on the tears.

Oh Oh, Oh Oh

Yeah rock 'n roll




Originally appearing on the huge 1977 release The Stranger, I happened to hear this track on my local “classic rock” radio station this afternoon. I have heard this song, and this is no exaggeration, AT LEAST a hundred times over my life and, in all honesty, I think he spins a pretty decent tale in the long-form storytelling style of music which category this song firmly falls in. I have been to many bars over the last five years that were packed with early twenty somethings with this song playing in the background on the jukebox. I never thought much about it.

After hearing these lyrics, I wonder if these patrons, sipping their Chocolate Martinis and So-Co and Limes, have any idea what Billy Joel is talking about?




On Circular History:


After watching the election coverage and results on Tuesday I can say that I’m with Barack Obama when he says that we should leave in the past the concept of Red States and Blue States.

We should stop using red and change the color to grey.




On Language:

What you're hired for is to help us--does that seem clear to you? To help us. Not to fuck us up.

I think of these lines from the David Mamet play and film Glengarry Glen Ross every time I have any dealings with any department called a “help desk” – possibly the most Orwellian named entity in the corporate world.




On Unity:


On November 11, 2008, Veterans Day, a week after the general election, on the MSNBC show 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, former Republican Staten Island congress woman Susan Molinari – now billed as a Republican Strategist – had this to say:




I think we had one of the best nights of the Republican Party when Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin gave a speech at the national convention. I think we can duplicate that and be a successful majority party moving forward. I think getting her out there is a smart thing for all of us.

No comment. Just ponder what a "Republican Strategist" believes is a great night for a party that included Abe, Teddy and Dwight.




On Relativism:


Yesterday I stood at the base of my office building, staring out into space, feeling sorry for myself. I was unhappy with my job, my situation…my life. I realized, for the most part, my dissatisfaction stemmed from my own decisions and actions so, I knew, I really did not have anyone to blame. It was an intellectual realization only and, rarely, do revelations of that type trump actual emotions to the contrary. I continued staring, alternating between the graying sky and the graying cobblestones that make up the pavement between my glass tower and the adjacent building, muttering to myself “if only…if only…if only.” The word despair would not half describe the feeling of melancholy that was overwhelming me.

As my self-pity reached its zenith, a small pigeon alighted a few yards from my feet. I watched as the bird stuck his beak between the cobbles, desperately attempting to lap up the water that settled in the crack - a remnant of the early morning rain.

The scene gave me pause.




On Perception:


When you stop drinking, or using any of the so-called “recreational drugs” that human society has to offer, the world appears to be a much different place. I am not sure which world is better.

I am sure which is harder.




On Culture:


In this fat fuck’s most humble opinion, the 1980s were the worst decade for film since the fall of the studio system. American cinema was dominated by slasher movies, mindless testosterone drenched action pictures, sophomoric comedic feces piles and John Hughes brat-pack coming of age smugfests. And, to add insult to injury, the “serious” or “arty” corner was dominated by those snooze-inducing Merchant-Ivory type things that left me propping my head up in boredom or clutching my stomach in pain and, sometimes, if it were a real gem, both. If it were not for Oliver Stone, one could argue that - for a ten year period - a true human art form disappeared from the North American continent.

Here are the titles of the Academy Award winning best…I repeat BEST…films from 1980 to 1989 in order:

“Ordinary People,” “Chariots of Fire,” “Gandhi,” “Terms of Endearment,” “Amadeus,” “Out of Africa,” “Platoon,” “The Last Emperor,” “Rain Man” and the grand daddy of them all “Driving Miss Daisy.”

On that list there are three…possibly four…films that today I would consider even WATCHABLE, much less superior. I know the Oscar selection process has always been more of an election/popularity contest then a statement of worth but, CHRIST! If these were considered “the best” what the hell does that say about the worst? Or even the mediocre?

Come to think of it, I did kind of dig The Evil That Men Do starring Charles Bronson when I saw it at the Georgetown Theater in Brooklyn back in 1984.

Of course, during the course of that viewing, we did smoke up a half ounce of cheeba.




Being fat is not only physical,
It is a state of mind.
Larry B