3 Days of Bold and Decisive Action in the War on Terror
September 21, 2004
I know you guys have been panicking lately about the eminent threat of a terrorist attack so I want to be the first to tell you that you can resume living your normal calm filled lives again!! The U.S. Government has FINALLY gotten Yusef Islam (nee Cat Stevens) off our streets and out of our country.
Can’t you picture a “Muslimed up” Cat Stevens violently being ripped out of his first class seat by his arms and taken off the plane by Jackie Gleason and Bo Swenson look-a-likes saying corny lines like:
On hearing the news Attorney General Ashcroft met with reporters at the Church of the Immaculate Heart, Self Loathing and Sexual Repression in Baltimore where he was in the middle of his “daily flagellation and contrition” exercise. When asked about the detainment of a humanitarian and international recording star, he tersely said:
Our long national nightmare is over!
Sixth Army
September 22, 2004
This off the AP Wire:
Home Land Security has just detained Gordon Lightfoot at the Buffalo/Canadian border trying to sneak back into the country. Custom Officers found lyrics to “The Shipwreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” “Sundown” and “other subversive tracks” spread out all over the back seat of the Canadian rabble rouser’ 1982 Chevy Chevette.
The official statement from Tom Ridge read:
"We are sending that reefer smoking Kanuck hippy bee-atch back to where he belongs. Or to put it another way that guy ain’t going to be spreading his crap such as:
in MY God fearing Christian land."
Score Another One For The Good Guys!!
Sixth Army
September 23, 2004
Even more news on the terrorism front….
The AP wire is reporting that yesterday, Qantas flight 909 from Sydney, Australia to LAX, was intercepted and diverted to Guam at 12pm PST. The reason given for the forced landing was that Home Land Security discovered that two passengers on the plane were on the International Terrorist Watch List. The passengers, (Kenny) Loggins & (Jim) Messina, were detained for twelve hours on the U.S. Island Territory, and although they are US Citizens both were deported back to Australia.
When the news reached the east coast, President Bush, at the UN Building for some ridiculous photo op, was in a joint press conference with five leaders of the “Coalition of the Willing” (Monaco, Barbados, Honduras, Antigua and the Cayman Islands) answering questions about the “Global War on Terror,” when an aide whispered in his ear “We got them!”
Moby McDougal, a journalist from Screw Magazine (Dublin), was at the press conference and he described the scene this way:
We, the People, Are Batting A Thousand
Sixth Army
I know you guys have been panicking lately about the eminent threat of a terrorist attack so I want to be the first to tell you that you can resume living your normal calm filled lives again!! The U.S. Government has FINALLY gotten Yusef Islam (nee Cat Stevens) off our streets and out of our country.
Can’t you picture a “Muslimed up” Cat Stevens violently being ripped out of his first class seat by his arms and taken off the plane by Jackie Gleason and Bo Swenson look-a-likes saying corny lines like:
Jackie Gleason (Buford T Pusser Style): Boy…It sure is a wild world ain’t it?>
Bo Swenson (Walking Tall Mode): You got that right!
One less rat scumbag
loose on OUR streets.
On hearing the news Attorney General Ashcroft met with reporters at the Church of the Immaculate Heart, Self Loathing and Sexual Repression in Baltimore where he was in the middle of his “daily flagellation and contrition” exercise. When asked about the detainment of a humanitarian and international recording star, he tersely said:
"Hop aboard the Peace Train baby because the Cat’s in the bag and the bag is in the river! Now, please fellas, can I get back to my absurdly over the top ancient Christian worship rituals?"Thank the lord Jesus Christ that George W Bush is protecting us all!!!
Our long national nightmare is over!
Sixth Army
September 22, 2004
This off the AP Wire:
Home Land Security has just detained Gordon Lightfoot at the Buffalo/Canadian border trying to sneak back into the country. Custom Officers found lyrics to “The Shipwreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” “Sundown” and “other subversive tracks” spread out all over the back seat of the Canadian rabble rouser’ 1982 Chevy Chevette.
Border patrol searching Lightfoot's car.
The official statement from Tom Ridge read:
"We are sending that reefer smoking Kanuck hippy bee-atch back to where he belongs. Or to put it another way that guy ain’t going to be spreading his crap such as:
"Sometimes I think it's a shame
When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain
Sometimes I think it's a sin
When I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin again"
in MY God fearing Christian land."
Score Another One For The Good Guys!!
Sixth Army
September 23, 2004
Even more news on the terrorism front….
The AP wire is reporting that yesterday, Qantas flight 909 from Sydney, Australia to LAX, was intercepted and diverted to Guam at 12pm PST. The reason given for the forced landing was that Home Land Security discovered that two passengers on the plane were on the International Terrorist Watch List. The passengers, (Kenny) Loggins & (Jim) Messina, were detained for twelve hours on the U.S. Island Territory, and although they are US Citizens both were deported back to Australia.
Shut your mouth...You're cold busted!
When the news reached the east coast, President Bush, at the UN Building for some ridiculous photo op, was in a joint press conference with five leaders of the “Coalition of the Willing” (Monaco, Barbados, Honduras, Antigua and the Cayman Islands) answering questions about the “Global War on Terror,” when an aide whispered in his ear “We got them!”
Moby McDougal, a journalist from Screw Magazine (Dublin), was at the press conference and he described the scene this way:
The whole damn thing was pretty grim. The President was being very non responsive. He was pretty much absent mindedly nodding, staring blankly or “yielding my time to the Cayman Guy” whenever one of the reporters gathered in the room posed a question about the future plans for Iraq. After about 45 minutes of this, while (Prime Minister) Lester Bird of Antigua was elaborating on the Coalition’s plan to bring electricity to the people of Bagdad, someone leans over and tells the President something and all of a sudden Bush breaks out into a huge grin. He takes a pen and scribbles something on a scrap of paper and, snickering, giggling, a childlike look of coyness on his face, passes it to (President) Ricardo Maduro of Honduras. Mr. Maduro, with a look of surprise and disdain, reads the piece of paper, crumples it up into a little ball and tosses it over his shoulder. He then turns to look at Bush who is smiling, playfully humming a vaguely familiar tune while nodding quite playfully.Later, it was found out what Bush wrote on the sheet of paper that was passed to the shocked Honduran:
Even though we ain’t got moneyMission Accomplished!
I’m so in love with you honey
Everything’s goin’ to be all right
Let Freedom Reign!!
We, the People, Are Batting A Thousand
Sixth Army
posted by Larry B | 12:02 PM
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