Anatomy of an Ass-Hole

We formed ourselves into tight groups…the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces.

from Jaws (1975)

A real sweetheart

3/29/2006

Taking a break from the political, I saw in the Daily News yesterday and again today in the New York Post (“The paper of record”) there was a story about pitching ace Randy Johnson (Pictured above). The New York Yankees last year acquired the lefty fire-baller from the Arizona Diamondbacks and are due to pay him 16 million dollars for his roughly 33 starts this year. For those of you keeping score, that is $484,848 per appearance.

Evidently 16 years ago the 42 year old pitcher fathered a child with a soon to be ex-girlfriend, Roberta Roszell. He only saw the baby once, right after her birth and did not pay any kind of child support until 1998. That is when Roszell petitioned the now multi-millionaire star athlete for money.

After Johnson demanded a paternity test, which was taken and conclusively proved that his cock was the source of the kid’s DNA, he haggled with the single mom over amounts of money to be provided. Finally to get something...anything...from this mega rich bastion of society, she agreed to his terms. Johnson would painfully fork over roughly $5,700 a month until Heather Renee Roszell, his biological daughter, turned 18 years old.

The only reason why this information is coming to light now is because Johnson, through his battery of Lawyers, is now suing the mother of his child for about $100,000 of the money he paid to her over the years. He is claiming, through his twelve attorneys he keeps on retainer, that Roszell misused the funds, did not need the money, etc. Included in the $100,000 figure, Johnson and his legal staff of over 600 clerks, paralegals, court runners, data entry specialists and proofreaders, is about $26,000 in back interest that he feels he is entitled to.

What a man!!!

In the past, the deserted love-child, 16 year old Heather Renee, tried to have a relationship with Johnson by regularly writing him heartfelt letters. Her estranged father’s responses to these cries for acknowledgment were less than intimate. Her quote:

I would get cards back from him with just his signature – “Randy.” I never got more of a response, so it got to the point where I didn’t want to deal with not getting a response. I don’t have a relationship with him.

THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!!

Being the stand-up guy that he is, Johnson had his agent, Alan Nero, speak for him. When Nero was asked about the father/daughter estrangement, he responded:

Randy tried his best to have a relationship with her and her daughter, and it just didn’t work out. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Was it meant to be when he was sucking and fucking on the couch?

Now, I believe this situation speaks for itself. Simply put, I think the girls are telling the truth and Johnson is pathetically attempting to spin the situation or, worse, flat out lying. He is the bad guy here...case closed. But for all you contrarians, devil’s advocates and deadbeat dads out there who read this article and said, “right on Randy,” I will admit that the only information I have comes from the above mentioned periodicals so there could be more to the story. There might be many omitted facts and information that is pertinent for a final analysis but not sexy or sensational enough to make the front page. It wouldn’t be the first time these rags spiced up a story to get my two-bits.

For example, the mother/daughter duo could really be a pair of grifters trying to milk their cash cow for all he is worth. Roberta might not be the put upon women modestly raising a daughter as she is depicted in The News. Heather might not be the well adjusted teenager that appears in the New York Post who was deprived of a “normal” childhood due to her absentee father. In other words, let’s just say EVERYTHING the randy Randy Johnson had to say in his professionally prepared legal Affidavits are all true. So what? We are talking about $100,000 over an eight year period.

This ass-hole wipes his ass with that kind of money.

Now I am not advocating the extortion of someone just because they have money. And everyone is innocent until they are proven guilty. But I am praying that one day...maybe not today or tomorrow but someday...the spoiled, pampered rich bitches of our society, whose wealth, earned or otherwise, have led to a lifestyle of such ludicrous irresponsibility, look at themselves in the mirror and start behaving like men.

Am I being too harsh? I don't think so because what really got my goat was this interesting tid-bit from the article:

Johnson, known for intimidating opposing hitters with his icy stare and 100-mph fastball, became a born-again Christian in 1992 after the death of his father.

Oh really?

Does that mean I can assume that right before this prick gave the OK to his team of shysters to file this obviously spiteful and punitive lawsuit, he knelt in pray and asked himself “What would Jesus Do?”

And Jesus responded "Sue the Bitch"?

Enough already with these total hypocrites! People who feel that they have had an epiphany which gives them carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want. People who view the universe as one big private club and they have been given the secret handshake.

People who claim to have "accepted Jesus into their hearts" and then act in such a polar opposite manner:

People who speak of morality and then shun their responsibility for their numerous fornications.

People who arrogantly and selfishly believe that Jesus had anything to do with their scoring a touchdown, hitting a homerun or slamdunking a basketball.

People who thank Jesus for their Academy Award right after performing a lavish three minute song that glorifies the "Pimp Life."

People who sing of Jesus as they crawl in the cesspool of dirty money an unadulterated greed.

People who praise the Lord and then personally sign over 100 Orders of Execution.

People who speak of freedom and peace while they colonize and wage war on their fellow human beings.

GOD DAMN IT!!!
I promised myself I wouldn't get political.
Larry