Ironic Family Values

irony [ahy-ruh-nee] - noun

1) The use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning.
2) An outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
3) The incongruity of this.

e.g. R. Reagan (POTUS - 1981 to circa 1986) and Nancy R. (POTUS circa 1986 to 1988). were considered a) strong military figure b) stalwarts of “traditional family values” c) big government reducer – but were in reality a) beneficiaries of a studio head pulling strings to get out of REAL military duty b) the only divorcee president and a woman who faked a pregnancy to trap a married man c) presided over the largest increase in government deficit spending in the union’s history

What was the over/under on this shit?

I think the Bellagio in Vegas had it at six months from November 4, 2008. That was the date when the electorate of the United States tossed the McCain/Palin ticket onto the nationwide bonfire of reason. A 24-hour period when, this author at least, felt alive for the first time in a VERY long time. A date when half-erect human animals crawled out of their caves of ignorance and decided to use tools again. A moment in time when millions of people declared that they no longer wanted to have their backs urinated on…and told it was raining.

Oh, I'm sorry what, you may ask, am I talking about?

...and Romeo wanted Juliet

Bristol Dumps ‘White Trash’ Baby Daddy

BY BELL HUTCIHNSON
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

The Teen Romance that prompted a pregnant pause in Sarah Palin’s bid to become U.S. Vice President is over.

Levi Johnston said last night that he will not be Palin’s son-in-law, confirming he and Bristol Palin, the mother of his baby boy, have broken up.

The 19-year-old hockey hunk told The Associated Press that he and Bristol Palin 18, mutually agreed to end their relationship “a while ago.”

He declined to elaborate.

Bristol Palin, who is still in high school, issued her own statement to the wire service, saying she is “devastated.”

Johnston broke his silence after his sister, Mercede, told Star magazine that the couple called it quits after Bristol Palin referred to the Johnston family as “white trash.”

Mercede Johnston. 18, said the daughter of Alaska’s Republican governor dumped her brother; Levi, an out-of-work high school dropout,

And she said Bristol Palin, who took her beau to the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, has made it tough for him to spend time with his 2-month-old son, Tripp.
“Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible,” Mercede Johnston told Star magazine.

“She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash’ she said.

In December, Levi Johnston’s mother, Sherry, was busted in an undercover drug sting and charged with six felonies involving the painkiller Oxy Contin.

“Bristol won’t even allow him to watch the baby for a few hours unless he’s baby-sitting,” said Mercede Johnston, whose brother was forced to quit his oil field apprenticeship in January after questions were raised about his qualifications.
The sister said Bristol Palin’s demeaning attitude has been bolstered by Sarah Palin.
“I used to love Sarah,” she said. “But I’ve lost lots of respect for her.”

New York Daily News
3/12/2009

In October of 2008 I bet LARGE on the under... and I fucking scored! Receiving five to one on my money I can now safely retire to my bedroom where stacks and stacks of cash fill my vision from morning to night. I look left - a pile of cabbage. I look right - a serious mound of slaw. I look dead center - I see nothing but a slew of portraitures depicting long-dead white guys, sporting funny wigs and silly beards, staring at me, winking knowingly, telling me that I have worth.

TAKE THAT you 1930s style bottoming out economy!

In all seriousness, although I did (correctly) predict the outcome of this "match made in heaven," who did not see this coming? This high school aged, pregnant girl's decision to marry this self proclaimed Lothario was so obviously politically driven that I think the priest who was even considering performing that sham ceremony should be defrocked. The only thing these two kids probably ever wanted from each other was a stiff shaft or a soft hole. That's it. There was no thought of "commitment," domesticity or love in their heads. They simply were just two teenagers fucking and sucking on a lime green Dacron sofa, or groping and roping in the back seat of an overpriced inefficient American car or signed into a sleazy hourly rate motel with a fake ID, pumping and stumping on a bug ridden lumpy mattress - i.e. they were being "normal."

There, of course, were two major problems with their, unfortunately all too common, situation. The first, and by far the most critical, was that they did not use any kind of birth control resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. The second, and most telling, is that the mother of the knocked up girl was an over-the-top moralist type, right wing governor, who had just been picked by the reactionary party to be their "front man" in the campaign to sure up the party's base: backward, sexually repressed, borderline psychotic, jingoistic control freaks. And the last thing that would guarantee the support of backward, sexually repressed, borderline psychotic, jingoistic control freaks would be an extremely close relative who is an unwed teenage mother who spends her days skipping school and her nights getting poked in the whiskers. Hence, the engagement of a boy who is…

… “a fuckin' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess. Ya fuck with me I'll kick ass."

from Johnston’s MySpace profile

…and a girl whose idea of responsibility is always making sure that the Vodka bottle is screwed on tightly before putting it back into the freezer, was announced.

And what is the objection to gay marriage again?

On second thought, her crowd would have probably been more outraged if her son turned out to be a Jewish, left-wing, homosexual, pornopgrapher, card carrying ACLU member…with an extreme foot fetish, and definitely would have required more spin.

Anyway, I do not want to harp on the ridiculous pitfalls, the HUGE gaps between what they say and what they do or the base, petty, emptiness that - specifically - the Palins incarnate and that – generally - their whole wing represents. Because, their hypocrisy, shallowness and destructiveness have passed over from “point of view” to objective fact. Any third party neutral observer, any legitimate arbitrator, any alien from another planet, if given the information, incidents and rhetoric associated with Sarah Palin over the last ten months, would draw the same conclusion that I have – She is anti-progress, She is anti-reason, She is corrupt, She is a charlatan opportunist with no conviction, She is bad for America.

But, I really don’t care about her. I don’t have any interest in calling her incompetent, or idiotic, or unsophisticated, or an asshole, or a fool, or a fuck-face, or a scourge that should be removed from the body politic. I don’t. She could be the governor of Alaska to the day she dies and it would be absolutely no skin off my nose. I mean that sincerely. I actually want to look at this from a completely different angle because, mentioning the government graft, the misuse and abuse of power, the book burning, the mean vindictive cruelty towards rivals, the witch doctor advisors, the secessionist sympathizing, the jaw-dropping blown photo-ops and the draw-dropping family behavior, would be too easy. No, this story, although excruciatingly predictable, should be the final piece, the last straw, the rook to king seven checkmate move, that finally convinces you that the moral bankruptcy of the Republican Party is total.

“YO! YO BETTER SHUT YO FUCK’N MOUTH BOY! THAT’S MY DADDY YO TALK’N ‘BOUT!”

Let me try to clarify my, admittedly, absurdly general blanket statement because I know there are many reasonable Republicans out there who do not consider their philosophy as negative nor their party leadership as particularly immoral. At best, they think all politicians are assholes and the Democrats are no better. I, of course, disagree with this position but, for the sake of our country, I am willing to try to see a way that we could have common ground. As for the hardcores out there who still couldn’t see even if Vishnu himself showed up in a majestic display of lights and colors, stood erect and pointed his finger at them and declared “THE REPUBLICANS ARE WRONG!” I view as a fundamentalist Christian looks at me…eternally lost.

And let’s forget about McCain. He is a man who is steadily rising up the rather long list of truly tragic American characters. Fuck Dubya. Oliver Stone should make a movie about this cat. A terrible tale about a person who does not break during years of physical torture in a North Vietnamese POW camp only to make a Faustian deal with the Republican party, selling his soul, just for even a glimpse at the brass ring. I already have a treatment in mind that I could pitch Stone. The film would begin with McCain’s plane crashing spectacularly into the dense south East Asian jungle and ending with his phone call to Palin. The last vestige of dignity shed, the circle complete.

No. This party has been hammering the American public with some divisive rhetoric. Some of it, if not all of it, was flat out silly and just did not take. But there was one point of attack that was truly offensive. That was the point of view that if you are not from some small town, if you know a foreign language, if you can speak correctly, then you are not a real American. Even the word “cosmopolitan” somehow became a smear. I saw this idea being drilled into the submissive audience at the Lew “Jack Off” Dobbs show I went to, I saw it on the 24 hr CNN swill-fest they have playing on the jumbo HD TV in the lobby of my building and I saw it, and this is completely incredible, coming from Rudolph Giuliani the former mayor of…SURVEY SAYS…New York City which, for all you keeping score out there, the largest and most cosmopolitan city in the United States of America.

So, this party, feeling that the only way they could win is to vilify a large portion of the citizenry, trot out Sarah Palin. I am picturing the conversations that these maestros at the RNC were having before that fatal move.

Anti-American #1: For Vice-President how about that hot bitch up in Alaska? She sure is folksy and those maniacs with the doomsday obsessions would definitely dig her “I am so proud to be just one ignorant piece of shit” thing.


Anti-American #2: “Yeah. These fucking rubes will eat up any feces we serve them.”

To be honest with you, I don’t think it was a particularly bad strategy…if your only concern was to retain power and you could not give a flying fuck about your country, your fellow man or your planet.

But here is the thing that is so offensive. The salient point of their “Hate everybody from a city and is smarter than you” schtick is that old faithful label they threw around: “Elitist.” “Obama is an elitist because he can think!” “Michael Moore is an elitist because he can produce a movie!” “That mother fucker sitting next to you right now reading anything over a second grade level is an elitist!” “EVERYBODY is an ELITIST who you feel vaguely threatened by!”

I remember during the actual campaign, there were leaks coming from the McCain and/or Palin camps that painted a pretty ugly picture – in pretty course terms - of the Wasilla Barracuda. There was massive dissatisfaction with her total lack of decorum, calling the whole clan as a bunch of “hillbillies” run amok. The image these CAMPAIGN INSIDERS spread was of an unsophisticated whore and her sycophantic hanger-ons rummaging through extremely upscale shops, pawing at anything they could get their mitts around. Stuffing endless amounts of designer shit into hefty bags while putting it all on the Republican dime. The way these whistle blowers – the same people who tried to sell you all the elitist crap – talked about their supposed champion it was obvious that they abhorred her behavior and felt completely superior. In other words, they sounded like elitists.

And now, from this article, I see this line:

“She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash’ she said.

I have no doubt…NO FUCKING DOUBT…that the Palin clan - the people with the clothes grabbing, the exorcisms, the teenage un-wed mothers, the illiteracy, the inquisitiveness of a deep water sponge – have nothing but contempt for the people that they serve. That is, of course, until they need your vote and then you will get the Angie Dickinson wink and the Janet Jackson tit flash.

Simply put, the Republican Party has nothing to offer you but fulfilling your darkest nightmares. Please stop going the way of McCain.

irony [ahy-ruh-nee] - noun


1) The use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning.
2) An outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
3) The incongruity of this.

e.g. S. Palin (Gov. AK - 2006 to ?) considers herself a) a government reformer b) an unadorned straight shooter c) a true representative of REAL America – but is in reality a) a completely hypocritical shite-head who thrives on cruelty, a promoter of bigotry and intolerance, a petty grifter who never met a kickback she didn’t take, a liar…

You know, come to think of it…

Maybe irony is not the right word.

Larry B