Half-Baked Cube Hits

1) You will never achieve any peace or contentment if you view the world as a referendum on you.


2) I find that most situations in life can be dealt with by using some lines from the movie Arthur:

Hobson:

Sir, it is really not my place to say.
On the other hand go screw yourself.

3) Does anyone else feel that John Oates got paid a whole shit load of money to play rhythm guitar?


4) The other day as I thumbed through some paperwork in my cube I had an epiphany. A society who allows a person to live comfortably producing this horse hooey all day is doomed to fail.


5) I contacted a Nobel Prize winning mathematician the other day. I asked him to calculate the mathematical probability of someone called England Dan meeting a guy named John Ford Coley. I haven't heard back from him yet but I would guess that it would be at least four to one.


6) Oh my sweet Jesus...

Bill Gates appearing in Teen Beat magazine in 1983.

7) I am feeling very optimistic about the near future. I feel we are on the cusp of a cultural explosion directly analogous to 1966. But the moment some guy like Jim Croce shows up it's all over.

In other words we must be on our guard...and I mean REALLY on our guard...because with extreme freedom of expression comes the truly horrific specter of some Gabe Kaplan looking mother-fucker, ass plopped down on a wooden stool next to some sycophantic jack ass, strumming their guitars, singing melodically pleasing balless trash, while nameless, personality challenged, indoctrinated drones sit sheepishly cross legged, blankly nodding...to what they have no idea.

Next stop Reagan.


8) When I was in the 8th grade I had a Social Studies teacher by the name of Mr. Kotin. Naturally, being thirteen year old boys, we called him Kotex.

Anyway, during one of his many snooze-fests at I.S. 364 in Brooklyn, the subject of World War II came up. I admit I completely forget in what context. I remember I raised my hand and said, “You know when you think about it, WW II was really good for America,” to which he replied “That is ridiculous,” and moved on to someone else who recited something from some outdated textbook.

My thought was that before we entered the war we were in a state of economic depression and somewhat subservient isolation. Afterwards we were the top dog of the world whose population not only had “a chicken in every pot” but two cars in every garage. For the most part that is. For expressing that incredibly simplistic yet somewhat truthful idea, I was pretty much told to shut up.

Mr. Kotin wasn’t a bad guy individually but you really have to question a society whose institutions deplore provocative statements from intellectually developing children instead of exploring their meanings and consequences.


9) In public restrooms, I feel that it is a huge etiquette no-no to deuce and dialog.


Larry