Fed Up

1/3/2007


Int. - The Production Offices of The W.W.E.
(World Wresting Entertainment)

KEVIN FEDERLINE and SAUL sit on opposite sides of a large solid Ivory desk.

KEVIN FEDERLINE: Come on Saul. Put me in the next show. I’m athletic. I can wrestle.

PROMOTER: OK Federline. But just how low are you willing to go?

KEVIN: As low as it takes.

PROMOTER: Well then, I have an idea. The show starts and you come out in the middle of the ring in one of those ridiculous get-ups you usually wear...

FEDERLINE: What do you mean my usual...

PROMOTER: STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH ME!!! DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!!! You know exactly what I mean.

K-FED: OK OK...

PROMOTER: Anyway, you stand there with the Mic and do one of your completely ludicrous spiels about respect and how you’re such a “Playa” and...

FED-EX: What you talking about “Ludicrous?”

PROMOTER: HEY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!! YOU INTERRUPT ME ONE MORE TIME YOU’RE OUT!!! GOT THAT SHIT HEAD?!?

ASSHOLE: Yes sir…

PROMOTER: OK. So after you do a shameless soliloquy about your own unbelievably inflated view of your worth, that’s when WWE Champ John Cena gets into the ring. John walks right up to you and tears off your jumpsuit in one rip. The only thing you have on underneath is a pair of pink frilly panties and gold lamee nipple tassels. Over this image we’ll superimpose the graphic “Kept Bitch.”

LOSER: Um...

PROMOTER: At this point you make a terrified facial and urinate down your leg. After Cena laughs at you mockingly, he starts to chase you around the ring. As you run in a real exaggerated motion, you yelp and scream pathetically. Oh yeah...while this is going on I get the organ player to play the “Benny Hill Theme.” What do ya say Dummy?


DINGLEBERRY: I’m in.

Brave New World

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Larry